Until You Find Me
by CarbonBasedLifeForm
Summary: Merlin has been held in a dark cell by mercenaries for almost a month now. Arthur is becoming more and more desperate by the day to find his best friend. But will Merlin still be the same happy and bumbling manservant when they finally do find him? First time fic. hurt!Merlin, no slash only bromance. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Wow, I still can't believe I'm writing a fanfiction of my own. After reading probably hundreds of stories in the merlin and Musketeers fandom, I decided to give it a chance. It's a small beginning and depending on the reactions I get I will continue or leave it as it is. As of yet, I don't really know where this story is going._**

**_This story is set somewhere after S4 I guess, where Arthur is king and Guinevere is queen. This will probably not be a reveal fic although I might change my mind somewhere along the way. I'll let you know if it comes to that._**

**_English is not my mother tongue and this is not beta'd so excuse me for possible mistakes. I want to learn to write better so constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Is the pace too quick, too slow, is it too much OOC ? Let me know, reviews make my day._**

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Merlin's mind wandered through the trees. The edges of his vision were blurred, as if what he saw was not actually there. But he didn't care too much, he could feel the wind in his hair and feel the specks of sun on his cheeks. Arthur was there with him, a smile playing on his lips like this were the happiest of times. Merlin was almost content, almost…

At that moment the vision began the fade, trees and blue sky making place for a rank cell where darkness was his only companion. Merlin did not welcome this lucid state for it meant only pain and torment and loneliness. Exhaustion, dehydration, cuts and bruises and injuries he had forgotten about, they were all mingled together until his body was nothing more than pain.

How long had he been here? He couldn't even remember. There was no light seeping through in this rotten place to give Merlin any indication of time and it didn't seem like his captives bothered with a daily schedule as well, giving Merlin just the tiniest amount of food and water whenever they felt like it.

And then there were the drugs. They clouded his head and made him lose all sense of reality, replacing it with a world that spun from his own mind. He had dreaded it in the beginning, fighting as he could to keep control. But now, after all this time he welcomed it like a brother. He found that they were not always bad, not always filled with demons and feared perspectives. Sometimes they were almost like dreams, like the vision he just had. And even when they were full of terror, Merlin found that they could never be worse than the real world that was now his reality.

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29 days. It had been 29 days exactly since he let Merlin out of his sight. Arthur was sitting at the round table attending a council meeting but his mind was elsewhere. The very moment it happened, played out before his eyes again.

_Three mercenaries were already splayed out before his feet and he was about to end the life of a fourth when he saw the fifth mercenary riding away with their horses and an unconscious Merlin slumped in his saddle. Arthur drove his sword through the man and started to run after them, but without a horse he stood no chance. The mercenary was long gone, leaving a trembling Arthur standing between the dead bodies, hoping with all his might that Merlin would be OK._

"… Sire?" Sir Leon was staring at him with a questioning look. It was obvious that he was expected to say something but he had no idea what the question was. "Excuse me gentlemen, I don't feel so well. We will continue this meeting tomorrow morning" and with that Arthur left the room.

Arthur was trembling the whole way back to his room. Merlin had been helpless and alone for almost a month now and here he was, attending useless council meetings. For all he knew he wasn't even alive anymore! He could not think like that, could not give up hope. But with every day he missed his friend more and more. He wanted Merlin at his side so badly that it even hurt him physically. At the time he had reached his chambers, he couldn't help the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

Guinevere was there and seeing the state he was in, pulled him close for a hug. After a while she led him to their bed but refused to let go of him. "Don't give up hope Arthur, we will find him." She whispered in his ear and like that, both seeking comfort in their embrace, they fell into a slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone who follows this or reviewed and a special thanks to Tofs for the in depth review. It was really rewarding and made me decide to go on with this story.

This chapter is a bit longer and only from Arthur's POV. Next chapter will focus more on Merlin. I hope this won't be disappointing.

* * *

An impatient knocking woke Arthur and Guinevere from their uneasy slumber. After planting a soft kiss on Guinevere's lips, he entangled himself from her embrace and stood to answer the door, finding a slightly out of breath Leon behind it.

"Sir Leon, I'm sorry for leaving the council meeting so sudden, it was unheard of but I really did not feel in the right mind to discuss stately matters." Arthur hoped he could avoid further questions as to why he had run off.

Leon slightly frowned, "excuse me sire but this is not why I am here. A young man just came through the gate asking to speak to you. He wanted to report some group of mercenaries or outlaws he came across."

"Say I meet him in the morning, he can come to…" Arthur stopped when seeing Sir Leon's hard expression. "Leon, is there something else you have to say?"

"Sire, the outlaws were spotted in the northwest, about a half days ride from the kingdom of Caerleon. That is about the same place where…"

"…Where I lost Merlin…" Arthur interrupted him. He had a distant look in his eyes and guilt and sorrow etched on his face. But the moment Guinevere, who had come to stand next to him, took his hand, his expression morphed into determination. "Tell that man to come to the Great hall, I want to speak to him immediately!"

"Yes sire" Leon made a quick bow and turned to perform his task.

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Arthur had brought a few people of the council, some of his most trusted knights and his wife to the gathering. Despite the small numbers of attendees, the young man before them, barely in his twenties, still looked uncomfortable, avoiding their gazes and fidgeting with his sleeves.

Arthur stood up and tried his best to sound as calm and comforting as possible despite his current worries and impatience. "There is no reason to feel afraid, my friend. If you feel up to it, we would like to hear your story."

The man finally dared to look up and Arthur gave him an encouraging nod. He scraped his throat and started speaking. "I live with my family in a small village in the northwest of Camelot and I often go hunting in the woods there. For no particular reason, yesterday I went further than I normally do, venturing closer to Caerleon's borders. I went quite far off track, following a deer. Suddenly I heard noises sounding like a woman struggling and protesting. I went closer to see what it was and saw a little hut and a few men. One of the men was carrying a woman inside the hut. She was bound and gagged but still conscious because she was still struggling in his grip. The hut looked old and abandoned and the men looked quite disheveled too, they didn't seem like mercenaries to me, more like outlaws. But the woman they had taken didn't look like a peasant girl, my lord. She was wearing a silk dress from what I could see so I believe she was a noblewoman. I think I heard one of them speak about how much they would pay for her."

"So they're slave traders then?" One of the council members asked.

"Nay sir, it would be too risky to sell someone of noble blood as a slave. I believe they took her hostage for ransom."

Arthur stayed quit for some time, looking very pensive before standing again and addressing the young man. "I thank you for telling us your story. You have a kind heart for coming all the way here to let us know of this injustice. I promise you we will do everything we can to make sure this crime comes to an end. You are free to go now."

When the man was gone Arthur turned to look at his wife, nights and council members. He wanted to believe that they had found the place where Merlin was kept, that he was just a day's ride away from seeing his friend again and if he could he would take his horse and go search for him this very moment. But he was the king now and he had to think this through. He believed the story of the young man, believed that ransom was indeed what those outlaws were after. But if this were the men who had captured Merlin than there was a very important detail missing. Something was not right about this whole situation.

"These are the men who attacked Merlin and me a month ago, it must be, this cannot be a coincidence! But why did we not hear of them? Shouldn't they have sent a message asking for ransom? What if this means that Merlin is not even alive anymore?" With this he looked at Guinevere pleadingly, silently asking her to give him an answer not involving a dead Merlin.

It was Caradoc, council member and friend of his father, who answered. "We could send a patrol sire, they can deal with this. There will be peace treaties in less than a week, now is not the time for a king to deal with simple outlaws at the borders of the kingdom."

Arthur looked at him incredulous. "But Merlin could be there! Caradoc, I know you don't always agree with how I treat my manservant, but Merlin has saved my life many times and I will not just sit here if there is a change that I can save him. Now, you organize postal traffic for the castle, was there really nothing that indicates Merlin's captivity?"

Caradoc looked slightly unsure "Sire, you shouldn't give in to the demands of men like these. If we do, they will never stop. Let the patrol take care of this, your place is here sire."

"So there has been a message about Merlin?" Arthur was getting very frantic, he couldn't believe that his own council members would keep information this important from him. He tried to stay composed but it was getting harder and harder by the second.

At least Caradoc had the sense to look slightly ashamed. He felt he was in trouble now. "Yes sire. But I felt this would better be dealt with after the peace treaties. I was going to give them to you eventually."

Now Arthur lost his temper. "Show me those letters! Now! And don't expect to be ever sitting on this council again!"

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Not 30 minutes later Arthur was sitting on his bed in his chambers with 3 letters in front of him. He was trembling all over. Guinevere was again sitting with him, but this time she was crying too hard herself to be of any comfort to Arthur.

The first letter was a friendly request:

_Dear King of Camelot,_

_We have taken hold of a very special person to you. You know who. His loyalty to you is extraordinary so you would do well to deem his life worth a great deal. For now, your friend is in a relatively good state, it is up to you if this will remain so._

_We request a sum of 300 gold coins for which we will set your friend free. If you refuse we are afraid your friend will not have the best of times._

_I'll wait for you at full moon at the foot of the White Mountains. Come alone._

The second letter was shorter and more aggressive

_Dear king of Camelot,_

_It breaks my heart to see that your friend's loyalty is not returned. He has paid the price for tour indifference. However, I give you another change to bring me his ransom. The price remains. _

_I'll await you on the ninth day of the new moon. Don't be late._

It was however the last letter that had shocked the king and queen the most. In the envelope was a small note saying:

T_his is your last chance. Meet me 2 days before full moon. If you don't show, your friend will die._

This was accompanied by Merlin's scarf, now bloodied and ripped but the most horrific sight was what fell out of the scarf. On the bed were now lying two bloodied fingernails, clearly Merlin's.


	3. Chapter 3

So, it's been a while. I am so sorry for the long wait after all the lovely comment I got. I've been busy and dealing with some personal problems but thank you for being patient and for all the support. And a special thanks to 8-X-Emrys who gave me the last push to get this story going again.

I'm not so pleased with this chapter as it is short and doesn't capture Merlin's despair as well as I had hoped, but I really wanted to give you guys something, so here it is.

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"So my friend, only two days and you will be put out of your misery" the man said with a vile smile, suggesting that a friend was the last thing he considered Merlin to be. "A true shame if you ask me, you could have made us rich if not for the selfishness of your royal friend. Seems like you wasted your loyalty on the wrong person." He looked Merlin in the eyes to see if this got any reaction. When it did not the man got bored, he turned on his heels and left, leaving Merlin alone with the stink and darkness.

Although Merlin seemed strong and collected in front of his captors, his inner state was in big turmoil. He wanted to believe that he was not forgotten, that Arthur could dash through the door any moment now. But it was getting harder and harder. His captors kept telling him how their letters were all ignored, how his king did not care for his well-being. For most of the time he was left alone in his rotting cell, but when the door did open it was never to bring in good company, only beatings, torture and foul words.

Somewhere deep inside him he felt his magic stir, but it was to distant to be used. The drug kept him unfocused and unable to reach for it. He had tried so many times but failed again and again. Without his magic, he was just a servant playing damsel in distress and it made him feel so defenceless. This overwhelming feeling of hopelessness made him want to give up. Dying didn't seem too bad at this point. Maybe putting him out of his misery was more merciful than cruel. It would mean the end of his pain, his shame and the uncertainty of Arthur's rescue. A small voice told him that it would also mean the end of his destiny and the possibility of ever seeing the ones he loves again.

Merlin's gaze went down, resting on his hands which were trembling ever so slightly. They were even more bony than normal, scarred and dirty beyond belief. On the top of his index and middle finger of his right hand, where once his fingernails were, were now two ugly wound looking red and swollen. It was an unnerving sight.

If Merlin could see himself though, the sight of it would probably unnerve him even more. Under all the dirt he looked positively gaunt. His skin was far too pale and seemed to be stretching over his bones way too much. His frame had become even more skeleton since he had no fat to lose in the first place. His body was littered with an unhealthy mix of new and healing cuts and bruises, ugly scar tissue and burn marks. The dancing lights that normally lit his eyes was gone and replaced by a slight haze.

His eyes were still on his mangled fingertips as he remembered the moment of that particular torture.

_A broad guy was standing over him, keeping Merlin's right hand in a death grip. He had a stupid grin on his face as if he was going to enjoy this which, Merlin realised, was probably the case. It was clear that he was hired for his muscles and not his brains. The man who did the negotiations provided the brain and he was currenty talking in the background, his form shielded by the broad guy._

_" So, your royal friend doesn't seem in a hurry to save his friend, it is getting a bit annoying to be honest" the man said with confident flair.__"Seen that I am such an honourable man, I will give him one last chance and send him a little extra as a reminder" The haughty tone of his voice was so unbefitting for the criminal he was and it made Merlin cringe inwardly every time he heard it. "Go ahead Tobran, do what you do best.3 And with the help of a pair of tongs and brutal force, the nail was yanked from his right index finger. Merlin let out a hoarse cry and tried to claim back the offended appendage but Tobran kept his grip firm. Blood was dripping down his hand and his finger throbbed fiercely when he heard the man speak again, sounding far too pleased for the situation "What about a second one, just to be sure. Go on Tobran." Merlin felt the second yanking and then sweet nothingness claimed him._

The memory brought on a new wave of desperation and he tried his magic again. But it was still impossible to grab onto it, floating at a distance just too far to reach.

_"Please, Arthur, don't leave me here."_

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*just for fun: Tobran is a medieval name meaning 'Barbarian'

I hope to get the next chapter up somewhere next week just before school starts again. I will bring in the knights and hope to make it a longer chapter than this one.


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